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Restless

I’ve been restless today. Not agitated, just unfocused. I had my whole day to myself and I didn’t know what to do with it.

My husband (aka, Julie the Cruise Director) has been out of town all week, so for the first time in, well, damn, I don’t know how long, I didn’t have to worry about being anywhere at a particular time. For weeks I’ve been bitching that I don’t have any time to myself and just want to hang out at home, putter around, read and try to do nothing. So a whole weekend stretched in front of me and what did I do? Nothing. Nada. Zip.

But I didn’t do the “nothing” that I wanted to do; I did nothing.

I didn’t read, I didn’t nap, I didn’t clean, and the puttering? Not a single putt. I was so greedy with my free time that I wasted it. I’d start to do something, then I’d stop and do something else. A few minutes later I’d drift onto another project, then it was like, “Oh, The Devil Wears Prada is on, let me watch that for a minute.” And, oh, I should scrub out the dog’s food bowl. Mmm, I think I want coffee, I’m gonna clean out the coffee maker. Ick, look at these counter tops, I should wipe them down… I even sat down about a dozen times to write a post, but then I’d start Googling something random, and, well, you get the idea.

And so it went. It wasn’t total procrastination. I was more like I was like a 9-year-old whose Ritalin prescription hadn’t been filled. I had cabin fever.

I used to have long stretches of weekends to myself, but over the years, we’ve gotten so busy that I don’t know what to do with myself when I have nothing to do! I’m out of practice. And it’s such a bummer because every last minute of every single day is booked solid through the second week of OCTOBER.

Tomorrow, I’ll try again to do nothing before Bill gets back—but, of course, before he returns I’ll have to finish all the crap I started today, and straighten up the house, go to the grocery store, do some laundry…

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5 Responses

  1. I think that I know how you feel – I often feel the same.

    As busy mothers, free time happens so rarely that, when it does, we are lost and feel useless.

    If we actually booked regular free time into our schedules, we would soon get used to it and would make much more efficient use of our time.

    When it’s so rarely dropped on us, it’s almost like our bodies go into shock. Take care.

  2. When I have days ahead with no demands I like to do all the chores and errands ahead of time, so that I really won’t have anything that needs doing. Like when I used to have big essays to write for university. I’d clean, shop, do laundry, do the banking — everything. Then I could start the paper.

  3. I

    am

    so

    jealous

  4. Welcome to my life of constant, never-ending useless putzing! 😉

  5. RAINO: I usually have to schedule free time too, but when I get it unexpectedly, I’m totally lost.

    Ho: Sorry, dude. I know you can’t even begin to relate.

    XUP: It seems like the chores and errands never end. I did actually do some things ahead of time but I couldn’t shut off the 375 other chores I needed to do.

    Lesley: Totally jealous!

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