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I Don’t Think She’s Nuts, But She’s Definitely Nutty

This is a real conversation I had with my mom yesterday:

Mom: What are you up to today?

Me: Not much. I have some errands. I have to remember to go to the UPS store to send a gift to someone.

Mom: Did you know you can’t Fed-Ex ashes?

Me: Um, hu?

Mom: You can’t put an urn with ashes in Fed-Ex.

Me: Have you tried?

Mom: No. Don’t be stupid. But my friend Nancy did.

Me: Why would she do that?

Mom: She had to mail her mother’s ashes back to her brother so they would be with their father.

Me: So she tried to Fed-Ex her mother to her brother?

Mom: Yup. But Fed-Ex rejected the shipment.

Me: On what grounds?

Mom: Well, they consider it the same thing as sending flammables.

Me: Not to be rude, but hasn’t she already been through the flammable part? What’s the problem?

Mom: Dunno. But UPS wouldn’t take her either.

Me: So…?

Mom: You can send it USPS. They’ll take ashes. You need to remember that for when I’m gone.

Me: Hmmm. Where am I shipping you to?

Mom: I don’t know yet. I’ll put it in my will.

This is what happens when your parents live in a retirement community.


6 Responses

  1. I think UPS is just afraid of losing them. A birthday gift or a book or a package of reports is one thing…someone’s mother is quite another. Glad to see your mom is making plans, anyway.

  2. See??? It’s like XUP said: She’s not nutty as much as she is UBER EFFICIENT at planning ahead!

  3. Absolutely no disrespect to you or your mother but I found this conversation kind of humorous. Infact it reminds me of one that I would have with my father!

    Just out of curiousity … what if you just didn’t tell UPS what you were shipping and told them a wee fib. Do they have to ‘see’ it before it’s wrapped?

  4. RAINO: Oh, I totally found this conversation hilarious! I’m not sure what’s funnier to me, the fact that she’s had this conversation with someone and felt compelled to share it with me or the fact that she’s already got plans to be shipped.

    I asked what would happen if you didn’t mention it, but I guess they were just too honest (or too afraid they’d lose her) and offered up the info just in case. Personally, I’d prefer to send my mom Fed-Ex because they’re more reliable and it’s easier to track, but unless that changes….

    I’m actually curious where she’s going to have herself sent!

  5. Probably VEGAS!

  6. That’s where I’d go!!

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