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Welcome to the MOfia!

I just had the funniest thing happen. Not Funny Ha-Ha, more like unusual-for-me funny. I am not, by nature, a particularly social person. I have friends (yes, more than one!) and I even manage to talk to them periodically and go out on a regular basis! But it’s a small, tight group. A group of people I trust with my deepest secrets, my biggest disappointments, my irrational fears. They’re also the group that I can let down my hair with (or, I did before it was so short), relax and have a good time hanging out, chatting, drinking and, most important, laugh with.

It doesn’t come easy for me. I keep the walls up. Occasionally, I knock some bricks out of that wall but I’m usually building another layer somewhere else in the fortress. It’s not (as I like to spew) that I don’t like people (most of the time anyway). I do. I just think I’m slow to trust, slow to open up. But once you’re in, you better be committed because you’re in for life. I’m like the Mafia that way. Or MOfia.

So I fight my natural impulse to close off and keep to myself. In fact, someone I’ve become acquainted with through this and other blogs, seemed to be having a rough day today and my heart immediately went out to her. My first instinct was to pick up the phone and reach out to her (never mind the fact that I don’t have her phone number!). I did send her a message letting her know I was thinking about her.The funny thing is, we’ve never actually met, but I was compelled to check in on her, make sure she was doing okay. It was the same reaction I’d have with someone I’ve known for years.

So maybe this blogging thing is good for me. Bloggers put so much of themselves out there so it feels like we form bonds easier online than we might in person. It makes sense, I guessโ€”I know I tend to read blogs that I can relate to. These are mostly women that I feel I have shared experiences with, and by extension, people that maybe we’d be friends with in “Real Life,” whatever the hell that is.


Okay, I have to stop this post here. In ironies to end all ironies, the ENTIRE time I’ve been writing this post about opening up to people and extending my friendships, I’ve been engaging in an IM exchange with my best friend. The gist of the conversation is, she feels that I’ve been closed off lately. And that wall I’m supposedly dismantling? Not so much. Seems I’m building sections faster than I’m taking others down.

Apparently, I need to revisit this topic….


4 Responses

  1. I am very much the same way. I realize I blog and therefore ‘put it out there’ somewhat but there is SO MUCH that I do not.

    Blogging and the friends made here has been a surreal experience for me. I constantly have things happen over the course of the day and I think, “Oh, I should call XUP and tell her that!” or “I wish Mo and Lesley were here to see THAT!” which is nutty because I probably couldn’t pick any of you out of a lineup because in reality, we have never met!

    Whatever the reason, I am truly grateful for the friends I’ve made and I’m sure the friend you reached out to today was extremely touched and grateful for the expression of kindness too. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I love this. I am really just starting this whole social networking thing – thanks to one of my friends – and its opened up a whole new world to me. I totally relate to the feeling of wanting to reach out to that cyberfriend. I know she appreciated it. Sometimes its easier when we are psuedo-anonymous!

    As for blogging – well, I’ve tried to start that too with a blog about training progress for the San Diego 3 Day walk…I fear I am holding back! I could learn from you and the other bloggers out there. Perhaps in 2009 I will start a different type of blog.

  3. Snark. I could be totally off course here but I’ll throw it out anyhow. What I find interesting about todays blog is that you note that your real true life friend has noticed you seem closed off lately Is it a possibility that you enjoy socializing through blogging more than with people in real life? Perhaps you have finally found a way to open up. If so, I can totally relate since as I get older and busier in life with my own family, I have less time to put out the effort required for ‘real life’ friendships. Cyber friendships are OK. I am new to this blogging thing but personally I find blogging very theraputic.

    Great blog by the way!

  4. I feelt he same way, Mo, about some of the people I’ve only met on the blog. There’s one I actually lay awake some nights and worry about! And, Debra – I think of you every single time I see Vd’O or someone new who I think you might like too, or the neighbour’s gardner who looks like a young Vd’O or when I find an interesting new veggie product. I often forget for an instant that I don’t actually know you or Mo or Lesley or one or two others that feel like people I’ve gotten to know in real life.

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