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Dear Longs Cashier,

You suck.

I know you don’t need an advanced degree to work there, but when I purchase one of something that’s marked 2 for $5, don’t sigh and tell me you don’t feel like doing the math. And when I look at you like, Are you kidding? Don’t laugh it off and tell me your boyfriend does all your math for you. In fact, don’t brag to me about how he does everything for you because you work two jobs while he works none. This isn’t something to be proud of. Also? Learn to chew gum. I don’t need to see inside your gaping maw while you chomp away on your Hubba Bubba and tell the entire line what I’m purchasing. Especially when I’m buying Extra Strength Knock You To The Floor NyQuil and a box of Tampax. I clearly don’t feel well. I’m sick AND PMSing. I’m fucking cranky and don’t need to be picked on by a 20-year-old who can’t divide $5 in half.


Your Disgruntled Customer


14 Responses

  1. Seriously….how sad that people can’t do math!

  2. Are you kidding? Please say you’re kidding.

  3. I wish I were. She was quite possibly the laziest clerk I’ve ever encountered. Stupidity isn’t cute when you’re 20.

  4. What a MORON this chick is. Everyone knows half of five is three. DUH.

  5. It’s quite difficult to find people to work in shops like this apparantly. I mean, who wants to face diseased, menstruating people all day long?

  6. love it love it. the snark is back. i’m doing my happy dance. this is so true and so funny all at the same time. what the frig are these people who work in retail and serve PEOPLE thinking?!

  7. HEY! I work in retail, and what I’m thinking is: People suck.

    And I need a better job. . . .

  8. Absurdbeats: I totally get that. I worked retail for years and people do suck. It’s a bummer, but I always tried to hide my annoyance at my job!

  9. Fair enough. We at the Corporate Bookstore do at least try to keep our comments out of earshot of customers.

    And some customers do let me pet their dogs—that’s good!

  10. She’d totally let you pet her. She’s cool/selfish like that!

  11. I only buy tampax for my kid. PMS, after a year without it = Good Riddance. It’s the one good thing about facing gray hair (on my chin), hot flashes (during orgasm) and blaming my TMI (Too Much Information) on my lack of HRTs. Now.. for the clerk that can’t add: With so many people out of work at no fault of their own = she sucks and give the job to someone that can add !

  12. Eve: Ha! You’re a hot mess, sister! (Although good job on covering up the chin hair. I’ve never seen it.)

  13. You know what? I might’ve met her twin sister when I stopped in Pasadena today. Seriously.

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