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Rock Stars, Skeevy Chicks and Trashy TV!

UPDATE: Before you judge my bad taste too harshly, I’m clearly not the only one watching this crap. I was perusing Twitter last night and tons of people were commenting for hours! (Okay, maybe not tons, but more than 10!)

I think I’ve thoroughly chronicled my love for craptastic TV shows. The Real Housewives is a favorite (I prefer Orange County but I’ll watch them all). So’s Celebrity Rehab. That’s why I’m totally excited that Rock of Love with Bret Michaels from Poison is coming back tomorrow night.

Straight off the pole and onto the bus

Straight off the pole and onto the bus

If you aren’t familiar with the show (and I’m guessing most of you aren’t—or won’t admit it), the basic premise is that poor Bret is looking for love. Now I find it hard to believe that an aging rock star who’s probably had more monkey sex than Wilt Chamberlain can’t find love, but I’m a romantic that way. *snort* Especially, because every chance he gets, he strums his guitar and croons “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn.” I mean, swoon city.

Back when he was kinda hawt

Back when he was kinda hawt

Twenty “ladies” (and believe me, I use that term loosely) move into the house and compete for Bret’s “affections,” which I guess is what the kids are calling it these days. Each week, they’re put to the test, doing stupid challenges that win time with Bret, and as the website says, “they show off their own special talents” to prove to Bret that they can share in his spotlight (read: blowjobs and girl-on-girl action). At the elimination ceremony each week, Bret hands a “backstage pass” to the girls who will be staying and asks if they’ll “stay here and continue to rock my world.” If not, “the tour ends here.”

Jes, the girl Bret chose the first season chose her boyfriend over Bret. All together now: “Awww.” The second season, we all though Bret was going to choose the trashtastic Daisy over Ambre (yes, really, she spells it that way), but, alas, he was looking for something “more real” (translation: Ambre looked less skeevy than Daisy, but Daisy was a better lay).

So Bret is back in the saddle again. The press release says: “Bret has been very upfront and honest about how difficult maintaining a normal relationship may be for a touring rock star. He’s right, it’s absolutely an insane lifestyle and neither of us had the time to make it work.” (I love the fact that he refers to himself as a rock star. Not musician. Not singer. Rock Star.)

This season there’s a twist. Instead of living in a ghetto fab mansion, the girls are going to stay in a tour bus, in true rock star style I’m sure. It’s a recipe for cat fights and bitch slapping.

So why do I watch this, you ask? How could I not?! This is trash TV at its best. It’s my crack. I don’t know if it’s because watching this stuff makes me feel better about myself or if it’s simply entertaining mindless entertainment. Doesn’t matter. I’m hooked.

I dare you to watch and not get sucked in.

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10 Responses

  1. OMG. The boobs on the bim in white? SERIOUSLY? I do have to say, I have watched one of these and I did not get sucked in. (The opposite…I will NEVER watch another.) Sometimes things are just SO sad and SO pitiful that they make me feel really empty inside and kind of depressed for people. This is one of those for me. (Unfortunately, the Real Housewives are another.) I guess I need my trash TV to be Trash Lite.

    And another thing: WTF has Bret done to his face? Also sad and depressing!

  2. I had another photo of him where he looks like Fergie’s twin sister. I have no idea what he’s done to his face, but day-um

    It is sad and pathetic, but I guess I feel like there’s no way this could possibly be real. I mean, it can’t be, right?!

  3. It CAN’T be real. I mean if this guy really wanted to find love (like he whines about in the promo spots) he wouldn’t go about it this way. He just wants free press as do all the bims. (And? He wants to do all the bims.) But the fame-whoring is the saddest part of all to me! There’s more to life than publicity and fame and whatnot. LIKE BLOGGING. HAHA!

    Dude. He looks kinda like Fergie in this picture too! The pursed, lipsticked lips aren’t helping his cause much.

  4. I’m screaming with despair inside. Why is this stuff on TV? I’m going to develop a conspiracy theory about this sort of programming that has something to do with Government deliberately keeping people home, occupied and mindless with these shows so they don’t think to much about the shit going on in the world and rise up in appalled protest. You just wait and see if I don’t.

  5. Oh my god! I’m not the only one who watches this! YAY! (Did I just write a poem about the episode? Um. Yes.)

  6. My old roommate and I used to crack open a couple of beers to watch ‘Celebrity Rehab.’

    And he forced me to watch ‘Project Runway’ (the session with bitchy twitchy Christian) and Nancy Grace—now THERE’S a hot tranny mess. . . .

  7. i totally love real housewives, think it’s comical. also like that other show called ‘party mama’s’ too. just one thing about bret though, i don’t want any man of mine looking better in make up than i. also, take a look at the girl in the photo. the one on the far right. as if you could all miss her! like does she have someones knees up her shirt or are they really, well fake, boobs?? wtf…

  8. I think I’m happy to report that I have never watched this. I’m not a big “reality” TV watcher anyway. Real people forced to act real in front of real cameras…makes my head hurt.

    And I’m with Lesley — the chick in white?! Does that not look PAINFUL? How that is sexy, I have yet to understand. Those do not look cuddly, if you know what I mean.

  9. I watched it, God help me, i watched it.

  10. I’m sure I’d get hooked. Like the train wreck, you can’t turn away.

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