• Archives

  • Meta Stuff

The Battle in the Bedroom

There’s a battle in my bedroom every night. No, it’s not over that (although this battle sometimes causes that battle). This battle is much, much worse.

You know when you go to a fancy hotel and the bed is perfect—clean, crisp, soft sheets, loads of blankets, dozens of big fluffy pillows on the most comfortable (read: not too hard, not too soft) mattress ever? I’ve spent a lot of money over the years re-creating that at home. There are multiple pillows to prop up against while I’m reading in bed or watching a Golden Girl’s rerun before I turn in. I’ve been on the quest for the perfect set of sheets with just the right amount of satin and soft—sheets that are perfectly cool when you slip into bed at night (or midday for a nap). We bought a handmade silk duvet when we were in China a couple of years ago and I bought a great luxurious-looking duvet cover for it—it’s a great material, that isn’t too hot, too cool, itchy or too fancy to sit on with bare feet. And, of course, we finally have a mattress that makes both of our backs feel like we’re sleeping on clouds (cue angels singing a chorus).

Needless to say, our bed is sort of an indulgence.

I love the covers. I make our bed with soft (no-iron) sheets, a blanket (electric) and our duvet. Oh, yeah, and two pillows on each size of the bed (it used to be more, but Bill balked, so we’re down to two each). But sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes I drape another blanket on top (my side only). The blanket is really a fleecey throw, but it completes the layers for me.

Yes, I pile on the covers because I get cold. But I really pile them on because I like the weight of them. I like the feel of the sheets and blankets settling in on top of me. It doesn’t matter if it’s 46 degrees or 96 degrees—if it’s hot, I crank up the air conditioning, and if it’s cold, all the better—I like to pile them on.

This is where the Battle of the Bed comes in. Bill hates that I pile on the blankets. He doesn’t get it. At. All. It drives him nuts that every night I climb into bed, put the throw over the top, snuggle deep under the covers, pull them all up to my neck. I don’t know what it is—maybe the weight of it all makes me feel secure. Maybe it makes a nice womb-like place to sleep. Whatever it is, I’ve always done it. ALWAYS.

Without fail, once I’ve gotten into bed and arranged everything, Bill will roll over and lift every god-damn blanket and sheet off of me. Just lifts them into the air and lets them float back down. This prompts me to ask (without fail): “Whatthefuckisyourproblem? Why do you care how many covers I have on?” According to Bill, I shove the covers in all around me, turning me into a big burrito, which not only pulls the covers off of him (he says), but keeps him from every being able to put his arms around me. I don’t mean to swaddle myself—and I’m pretty sure I don’t—but apparently it’s how I sleep.

The other bone of contention is that I sleep with two pillows. I keep one propped up against the headboard and the other is flat so I can lie on it. This pushes me farther down the bed so my feet almost touch the bottom. For whatever reason, this makes me feel secure. Maybe it’s because I’m short and I need an anchor point on the bed. I don’t know but it’s how I’m comfortable.

At some point during the night—even if it’s 10 degrees outside—I will get hot and start peeling the layers of covers off. The throw goes first. Then the duvet. During the months that I need to electric blanket, I keep it low—rarely higher than 2 or 3—because it’s all about the weight.

I can’t help it. I’m almost 40 years old and I’ve done this as long as I can remember. It’s not a habit that’s going to change. No matter how many times he unrolls my burrito (wow, that sounds dirty), lifts my covers and pulls all the blankets and linens off of me, and no matter how many arguments we have about it, no matter how hard he tries to persuade me to not do it, it’s how I end up at night. Period. I tried to compromise and remove one of the pillow but it doesn’t seem to matter. I end up drifting to the bottom of the bed anyway. I’m asleep. I don’t do it on purpose. It’s not some subliminal message to him about staying away.

Am I alone in this? Am I unreasonable?

Advertisements

5 Responses

  1. Not alone – not unreasonable. I’ve been a burrito all my life and have the same argument nightly with my husband!!! Glad to know I’m not alone n this struggle.

  2. I love all the blankets and pillows too….and a really cold bedroom. The cold room makes the snuggling in the fab blankies all the more satisfying.

    To save your relationship…and you get to keep enjoying your burrito lifestyle…I suggest switching sides of the bed. Then, you can be a happy burrito, but your honey can still put his arms around you and snuggle…until you slither down to the bottom of the bed, that is.

  3. No! I totally do this, too! I have always loved the weight of covers, and I sleep in the cold particularly so I can pile on the covers, too! My husband, though, is a walking furnace, and he hots me out way before I’m ready. Luckily, he switched to third shift so I have the bed all to myself now! Woo! Crank the air and pile on the covers. ME TOO!

  4. not alone and not unreasonable! I LOVE the weight of lots of blankets, and I always squinch down to the bottom of the bed (and I’m tall!). Our only difference is the 2nd pillow. MY husband sleeps with two and the second one goes over his head. And yes, I often fear he will suffocate under there.

    The other thing we have in common? My husband someitimes pulls the covers off me too! What is UP with that? grrrr….

  5. I love covers too. If it’s too hot for covers, I’ll just crank up the air until the balance is jusssst right. Luckily, Moses never complained. Fur coat and all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: