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Much About Nothing (aka Random Tuesday Thoughts)

randomtuesday

I spent the weekend at a dog show. If you’ve ever seen the movie Best in Show, then you have a pretty good idea what my life is like a couple weekends each month. Occasionally, I run around screaming while looking for Gracie’s Busy Bee, but most of the time I try to contain myself. (The same can’t be said of others. I’ll have to write a post about the drama one of these days.)

But this was a good weekend—Gracie won another point, which puts her just 5 points shy of being a champion. Then I think I have to either bow or curtsy to her and give up my spot in the bed to her. I’m not sure; I’ll have to check the show dog handbook.

No, this isn't animal porn. This is Gracie passed out after her big weekend. (Sorry, it's taken with a crappy cameral phone)

No, this isn't animal porn. This is Gracie passed out after her big weekend. (Sorry, it's taken with a crappy camera phone)

Next weekend, we have four days of dog shows. That means an awful lot of dog hair in my martinis.

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I live near a Six Flags park. I hate amusements parks (except maybe Disneyland, but that’s only fun if I’m with my granddaughter). I hate the long lines in the heat, the crowds, the rude people and the bad food. And I’m not a big fan of roller coasters.

This time of the year around the time I’m driving home from work, I seem to get caught between cars of kids who are cruising to the park. They honk at each other two lanes away on the freeway, speed up and/or slow down to cut you off to catch up with their friends and chat while their cars are thumping with bass that drowns every thought in my head.

But the thing I really don’t get? Magic Mountain seems to be a magnet for gang bangers. I guess they’ve gotta get their coaster on, too, but it seems like a lot of money to spend just to walk around and eye fuck other bangers (my knowledge of slang is so off the chain, yo!). They walk around in groups of 5 or 10 with their saggy pants, wife beaters or oversize T-shirt and just stare each other down, freaking out everyone else in their way.

When I was in college I went to Magic Mountain with some friends and while we were in line, the group of bangers in front of us got into it with the group behind us. Before you know it, they were all climbing over the railings to get at each other. That’s when I swore I’d never go back.

However, years later, we (meaning Bill) thought it would be fun to take my youngest stepson. Because I wouldn’t go on some of the rides, I ended up sitting alone, waiting for them. Apparently, this was an open invitation for random groups of guys to fuck with me, harass me and totally scare the shit out of me. The second Bill and his son would walk up, the guys would disburse like the chickenshits they really are.

That was it for me. The last time I went to Magic Mountain was THE last time I went to Magic Mountain. That was probably about 12 years ago, and I will never go again. My blood boils when I just drive by the entrance.

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One of the great pleasures in my life is driving home from work with the top down and ’80s R&B or some disco blasting on the stereo.

Johnny Gill’s “Rub You the Right Way,” Patrice Rushen’s “Forget Me Nots,” and “Love Come Down” by Evelyn “Champagne” King are favorites. If I can play some Earth, Wind & Fire, ever better.

However, I seem to forget that there isn’t some kind of invisibility shield around me because I totally sing at the top of my lungs, and groove in my seat. I’m sure I look like an ass, but really? Don’t care.

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I don’t get it, but I like it.

At first I wouldn’t listen but it’s so god-damned catchy that I can’t get Lady GaGa’s “Poker Face” out of my head—or off my stereo.

It’s embarrassing, really.

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And in case I don’t already come off like white trash, I became a grandmother for the second time on Saturday. I’m 39.

Technically, they’re step-grandkids, but you’d have a hard time convincing me or them that there’s any difference.

The good news is, Little Miss Thang is totally excited to have a baby sister. She won’t put Baby Thang down. She loves holding her and doting on her like her own real-life version of Baby Alive (do they still make that?).

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For more Tuesday Randomness, check out Keely’s blog The Un Mom.

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15 Responses

  1. “they’ve gotta get their coaster on” and “eye-fucking”; most excellent turns of phrases. I will endevour to include them in my every day speech some time soon. You’re hilarious. Who knew Magic Mountain was a gang-ganger magnet?

  2. Great. Now I have “Poker Face” stuck in my head.

    And I’ll ride all the roller coasters you don’t want to, ok? Deal?

  3. Congrats on Gracie and grand baby #2!

    Your depiction of Magic Mountain is spot on. I agree with XUP; those phrases are excellent.

  4. BANG BANG! We’re beautiful and dirty rich!

    THAT’s the Lady GaGa song that’s been stuck in my head for two weeks now HELP ME.

    Dude. I live even closer to Magic Mountain than you do. If I get shot will you please say nice things about me at my funeral? Maybe Lady GaGa can perform? That would be awesome. (Except for the part where I’m dead.)

    LOVE the Gracie pic!!! LOVE LOVE SWOOON.

    • Magic Mountain does summer concerts. I’d go if Lady GaGa performed!

      I think your house is far enough away that the bullets shouldn’t travel that far, but I’ll take care of everything. I’ll even make sure to take care of that new chair of yours. (covet, covet, covet!)

      • Really, how can you not love a line like: “And baby when it’s love, if it’s not rough, it isn’t fun” ??

        😐

  5. I secretly dig that song, too. Shhhh, don’t tell hubby, he’ll disown me.

    And your knowledge of slang is waaaaay better than mine! But those are eloquent enough phrases that I could figure it out 😉

  6. Never heard the song. I am so square ::draws square with index fingers::

    Best In Show – Best movie ever! It’s right up there with Young Frankenstein and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I met a bloodhound breeder the other day, and he was just like Christopher Guest. It was scary.

    I used to love going over the Grapevine during wildflower season. Haven’t driven that way since about 1994, but That’s the Way of the World.

  7. Congrats on a near champion dog. My dogs killed a turkey in our fenced in back yard this week. Do I get any points for that?

    The thought of gang bangers cruising Magic Mountain cracks me up.

    Just stopping by late for Random Tuesday. Nice post.

    • That totally counts! In fact you get bonus points for that. Our last dog used to leap into the air to catch birds. She should have participated in Agility!

  8. We love Martini’s after a long day of dog showing! We are looking forward to the AKC miscellaneous classes!!!

  9. Oh, give that pup a belleh rub! She’s cute even when she’s exhbibiting her lady bits.

    And congrats on becoming a grandmum a second time. Do let us know when #1 decides she’s had enough of #2 and wants to send her back.

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