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Crap I Shouldn’t Care About But Totally Do

There’s a lot going on in the world. We’re going through the confirmation process for a new Supreme Court judge. A Hispanic female no less. There are two female American journalists imprisoned in a hard-labor camp in North Korea. The war in Iraq is still going, unemployment is at an all-time high (and President Obama announced yesterday that it will continue to go up), the stock market is still in flux and there have been 1,000 killings so far this year in the Mexican border town Ciudad Juarez.

These are all important events and I do care about them. But there are other things I care deeply about, too. I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t help myself.

So here’s my list of crap in no particular order that I shouldn’t care about but totally do:

1. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Apparently they’ve broken up. The day before her 29th birthday. Which is rude. But not the first time she’s been dumped right before or on her birthday. Didn’t John Mayer do the same thing to her? I guess it’s clear that she chooses selfish men who can’t hang in there a day or two before cutting all ties. But what’s more interesting to me is that she had a Barbie & Ken–themed birthday party planned for herself before the breakup. Barbie and Ken? That’s an awful lot of pressure to live up to.

Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo in happier times

Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo in happier times

2. Jon Gosselin. He’s clearly going through some midlife crisis. But after being married to Kate, he’s obviously choosing really young (and fairly stupid girls—I deliberately didn’t say “women”) to date because he can be The Man in the relationship. They’re young, impressionable and easily wowed by a guy like that. A guy who basically walked away from his family so he could party.

I love the fact that his 22-year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman is upset because she’s been the victim of bad press.What did she expect. She’s basically a child dating a man who’s going through a very public divorce. He has eight kids. Eight. She’s not remotely equipped to handle that. If I were Kate Gosselin there would be no fucking way I’d let that chick, who was arrested for drug possession and has been photographed drunk off her ass—in fact, photographed ass up in a potted plant—near those kids. “U.S. press is all over stories about her being some slutty party girl with a history of arrests,” a source tells Us Magazine of Hailey. “She was upset tonight.” Seriously?

Plus, as bitchy and domineering as Kate was, I’m starting to think there was a reason for that. She had nine kids—not eight.

Jon and Hayley Glassman

A douche on the loose

3. The Real Housewives. So Hot-lanta is gearing up to start season 2 this month, and there’s all kinds of drama over the New York cast holding out for more money. And they’ve introduced the new Housewife in the O.C. Plus? They’re casting in D.C. and Las Vegas? Ohmygawd, I’ve died and gone to heaven.

Yo! Atlanta in the house!

Yo! Atlanta in the house!

4. Michael Jackson’s Daughter. After seeing her at her father’s memorial service, I have the feeling we haven’t seen the last of her. She seems extremely precocious and definitely isn’t afraid of the camera. Her comments about loving her dad and him being the best father ever were heart-breaking and genuine. But when she was sitting in the front row during the service, she seemed to like the camera and she was totally into performing  when they were onstage singing “We Are the World.” It may not be a bad thing but I hope to God she doesn’t get sucked into the same machine that chewed up Michael Jackson and spit him out. I hope whoever ends up with custody keeps her safe, protected and away from the spotlight as long as possible.

5. Bridget Jones. There’s going to be a third movie? This one is going to be about her trying to have a baby. If it’s half as good as the first one, I’m so in.

Diary of Bridget Jones

Diary of Bridget Jones

6. Bret Michaels. Will there be another Rock of Love? I hope so. Mostly because it’s good entertainment but also because I can’t believe he’d end up with that skank Taya.

bret_michaels

More Rock of Love, please

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7 Responses

  1. Yes, yes, and yes. I sadly care about these things too, as well as whoever is or may be pregnant- and probably more than the important stuff in the news.sad

  2. Gee, am I out of the loop spending 2 weeks in Italy and missing such news? Though, to be honest, we holed up in Florence with Italian TV just to watch MJ funeral and their memorial. No one cried…but we were all sucked in and really missing…everyone. Hope to see my Snarky friend soon!

    • You just wanted to remind me that you were in Italy for two weeks, sipping wine and eating great food!

      I’m glad you’re back safe and sound. Can’t wait to see the picture and read your blog!

  3. Okay, see: I USED to be totally all “TEAM JON!” but after seeing the latest photos of him with this chick? Vacationing??? Parading around holding hands?? DOUCHE ALERT.

    Sigh. I care about the Jon and Kate story way more than I should. What is wrong with me???

    • I know—in the beginning I was thinking Kate was such a Type-A bitch (takes on to know one, right?). But now? Not so much. He’s an immature little man who’s running around looking like a brat. And that Ed Hardy shit? Seriously??

      I’m going to start wearing a Team Kate Plus 8 T-shirt.

  4. I don’t know what most of this stuff is about being a non-cable-ite, but I’ve been following some of the Jon & Kate stuff on the blogs and it’s so interesting that these people’s lives have been completely turned upside down by their decision to be on TV and now they can’t get rid of TV because they’re living TV lives. I feel sorry for the kids though who had no say in any of this but will wear the stigma.

    • The irony of the Jon Gosellin situation is that one of the reasons he wanted out was because he didn’t want to lead a public life. But his behavior indicates otherwise.

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